“Your body went through nine months of radical changes, so give it another nine months to return to normal,” they say.
Those words were much easier for them to say than for me to accept. There was a time when I was an optimistic pregnant balloon. I had the impression that once my baby came out, I’d be back to normal because that’s what they told me.
“Girl, you’re so skinny, you’ll bounce right back after popping that baby out.”
Reality hit when I went in for my 6-week postpartum checkup looking worse than I did when I left the hospital.
Truth: my body is not latex and it did not snap back.
It’s funny now, but postpartum insecurities are no joke. Hormones run wild and emotions follow suit – I haven’t studied it, but I have lived it. I was a new mother spending every day with the most wonderful baby I had ever known. But I tried to cover up vulnerabilities intended to showcase the raw beauty of motherhood.
I found myself insulting my own appearance in an effort to keep my roots underground. It wasn’t even about my body or the fact that none of my clothes fit. I wanted to know that I was doing this thing right, that I could provide this baby with every thing she needed at the time she needed it.
I remember being so nervous to change my baby’s diaper in the mother’s room at church because I would be the one to do that wrong too. Aliyah was my first and we had to learn it all together, teach each other.
I could go on and on about all the inward struggles that have been my life the last nine months, but I don’t think I need to. People close to me would be surprised to hear how ‘untogether’ I still am, but I thank God for that.
He’s the reason I’m able to conquer all my fears. I gave my insecurities to Him and He exchanged them for confidence, joy, peace and so much love. He gave me a stud of a husband to encourage me and an incomparable support system of friends and family to keep me going.
My daughter is nine months today and I can boldly say I’m proud of myself. I feel and look amazing and I’m not ashamed to say it. My body will never be the same, but I like to think it’s better…I’m better.
If you’re going through anything similar, trust the process. Cherish the season that you are in and don’t be afraid to share the unseasoned parts 😉 They’re beautiful and they make us who we are. Cheesy as it may sound, it took nine months for Aliyah to develop before she could see the world and I think it may have taken nine months for this mother to do the same. I’m coming out! (Call me Mama Dre<3)